The ReOrganisation

Well, it has been an age since my last Blog post... Despite my good intentions I am still just on the road to Author-de-fe and not actually burning yet. Paul Varjak sent me a simple congratulatory message that caught up to me on my journey, which was akin to a weeping blood Madonna's plea: Please come back. Sloth has forgiven.
Sadly, I do have some compunctions to write but they do not come easily in the morning or at a structured schedule regardless of the time. I am not at the point where I can say between 9am and 12pm I will to put fingers to keyboard for 3 hours. Even now, I am suppressing the fear that grips me as I write. Tonight I have a a 5-7 minute presentation to deliver at Toastmasters that makes me fearful of failure. I want to discuss in this time the problems I have with creativity as a skill that visits me at odd hours and at odd times. Powerful but unharnessed, like having a lion in the house or a rabid watchdog.

I have made Blog posts to outline future 1,000 word blog posts for the past week but I have not gotten to them, or have I been able to be faithful to all the days after those Blog posts were supposed to be made. My writing boots sink deeper in the mud in the race against my natural nonwriting inclinations. Not a good foreboding.

Today is Wednesday and this day marks three days when I have not written this week IF I let it pass. So I am not going to let it pass without a fight. At least I am not stuck with a blank page and a specific topic to write about, although strict confessional writing is not what I had in mind when I started my personal auto-de-fe. It is what I am left with if nothing else. And, on a day like this, when I have yet another difficult task to complete ahead of me by deadline confessional writing will have to do.

I confess: one word after another strung together to make a coherent sentence like so many popcorn on a string; and sentence after sentence to create a paragraph like a tight knots on a length of rope; until finally the whole post appears like a pearl necklace is about all the craftsmanship I can muster. While I reorganise myself to make good on those shells of Blog posts awaiting my backward gaze, I am stuck with more frustration to deal with in the posts ahead.

Now onward to my Toastmasters' speech and more time tomorrow to write the past. It is either this or I take up jogging in the morning.